Am I a narcissist?

I was with a group of (mostly) young leaders recently.  In a group conversation about healthy leadership, one person raised his hand and said, "I'm wondering if I'm a narcissist?"  How would you know?

The dictionary's definition for narcissist reads:

1.  A person who is overly self-involved, often vain and selfish.

2.  Psychoanalysis:   a person who suffers from narcissism, deriving erotic gratification from admiration of his or her own physical or mental attributes.

My first thought, not knowing this young man, was that if he's honestly and vulnerably asking the question, he's probably not a narcissist, even if he's exhibited those self-involved tendencies sometimes (haven't we all?)!  And my second thought was, bravo that he's truly wanting to look in the mirror and examine that question.  

I think about Jim Collins and his concept of Level 5 Leadership.  Level 5 leaders are always humble.  They don't take credit for anything (after all, isn't there always someone else to whom credit can be bestowed?) and they don't deflect by blaming.  They are not overly self-indulgent. Through this humility, these leaders naturally empower and build confidence and loyalty in those around him or her.

And, I think about Jesus and the idea of servant leadership, which really is Level 5 Leadership at its pinnacle.  Jesus led by serving, by humbling himself for the sake of others. 

Truly, is there a person alive who hasn't been overly self-involved for at least moments?  No, I'm quite sure not.  Moments are different, however, than a pattern or way of life.  I've learned that when I'm feeling selfish or overly self-involved, I ask myself the question that my friend Barb is famous for: "what's my motive?"  What's going on right now that I'm feeling and acting this way?  In examining it, maybe I can correct it for the next time.

Mark Weber - Living with Purpose

Lt Colonel Mark Weber spoke at Easter Lutheran Church on Sunday in worship.  He's dying of cancer; a cancer he's named "Buford."  His message of living with purpose, intention, and faith is powerful.  I think I need to watch this every day.  Be blessed by his message.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tod2F3BN15g&list=UUfUaer6k7cf-z6RV2JjAUOA&index=1

Worth the Risk

 "Safe is good for sidewalks and swimming pools but life requires risk if we are to get anywhere."  (Simon Sinek)

After the Sandy Hook tragedy, a friend and colleague, Deanna, and her elementary-aged boys were talking about the events, wondering what they could do.  They noticed a typical elementary school craft project of an angel hanging at Deanna's computer and they decided to make some angels and send them.  But a few angels can only touch a few lives.  They decided that 750 angels was better than a few.  It was Tuesday.  Then they realized that all these kids would be going on winter break and they had to get these 750 angels sent in the mail the next day!

With faith like children, these boys believed that if they asked friends and family to help it was possible.  So Deanna took the risk and send email to 50 people.  That email spread.  Angels started arriving at Easter Lutheran Church in Eagan, MN.  A business called and said they wanted to pay for overnight shipping.  And the angels kept coming. As angels were dropped off, stories were told.  Before the angels were packed up, they were prayed over, and cried over. Preschoolers made angels and hugged them as they let them go.  The elderly made angels; executives and stay at home moms made angels. In 24 hours, over 1100 angels arrived. In 24 hours, 1100 angels were being overnighted to Newtown CT as a sign that the people of Sandy Hook elementary are not alone.  Angels are watching over them. 

It would have been so easy to say, "that's a great idea boys, but it's really impossible."  But she didn't. Together they took the risk and in taking the risk, not only were lives in Newtown CT touched, but lives in the Twin Cities, were changed by coming together to do a little thing for grieving souls.  

Safe is for sidewalks and swimming pools.  If we want to change the world, we must take risks.  It won't happen in any other way.  Individuals need to take the risk to speak their truth, whatever that may be.  Leadership teams need to take the risk that might just propel the organization forward, when it would be much easier to play it safe and maintain the status quo. My challenge to myself in 2013 will be to ask, continually, if there's a risk I should be taking right now.

Merry Christmas Newtown, CT.  You are not alone.

Re-claiming Christmas

Our theme at church this Advent is "Re-claiming Christmas."  For me, that would look like putting the focus back where it's supposed to be - with the expectation and arrival of the birth of Jesus Christ.  And actually, I've been forced to all but forget the commercialism of Christmas this year.  Truthfully, haven't really had time to shop or decorate due to final papers being due in this first semester of grad school.  Ok that's one small step.  

I've carved out purposeful time reflecting on what this whole season means to me.  And, I've spent time in this wonderful devotional a woman in my church community creates each year (you can find it here: http://easter.org/wordpress/advent-devotional-2012-re-claiming-christmas/  ).  The hidden blessing in all of this is that through these simple acts, I've taken the long journey from my head to my heart, where the joy and hope of Advent and Christmas seemed to have lodged themselves securely.  

How are you re-claiming Christmas? If you're not Christian, I'm sure there's something in your life you need to re-claim. What is it?  How are you going about that?

May the peace and joy of this season, Hanukkah, Christmas, or otherwise, fill you, your family, and your corner of the world.

Differences Unite

I've heard this phrase twice this week from two different people:  differences unite.  Hmmm... sounds rather pollyanna-ish, especially after enduring a couple months of other-bashing election rhetoric. But wouldn't it be great if it were true?

So under what circumstances can differences unite?  When there's a purpose or core value bigger than the differences, for one.  I've heard a few government leaders this week, republican and democratic alike, say they are ready to set aside differences so that we can move this country forward.  Bravo.

We can also find unity when we set aside the need to win, be right, or place blame - when we focus on finding common ground, such as a social justice issue, or a core theological idea on which all parties can agree.  It's from this uniting common ground that we move forward.

We can unite when we realize that differences are really good - that we all bring something important to the table; that when carefully navigated, the end result can be better than what was originally imagined.  It takes patience and strong leadership, but it's possible.  And possibilities unite people too...


P.S:  The Greek have a saying - "why should like know like?"  Anaxagora said, "What is not different is to the other who is no different a matter of indifference."  and "We come to know the cold by the hot, the sweet by the sour, what is light through what is dark."  Maybe this is, at the core, why differences unite.