WAITING

I hate waiting. It feels so passive - a waste of time.  I like to make a decision, move on, get going.  This impatient behavior sounds like a Myers Briggs (MBTI) "J" - or in the StrengthsFinder world, one of the executing type strengths like Achiever, Arranger, Focus.  


And yet I know that as a leadership tool, waiting can be a very important skill to master.  Sometimes waiting for more information leads to a better decision. Sometimes, waiting for someone else to decide is a powerful empowerment tactic for someone you're leading or mentoring. Or maybe it's waiting for others to catch up - come in line with - your line of thinking. And, sometimes, waiting is an important faith-building experience.


My colleague and friend Barb learned that WAIT is also an acronym: Why Am I Talking?  Yes, waiting in silence can be VERY powerful.  Let others sit with a thought. If you let them "get a clue" on their own, they've learned a much more powerful lesson than you could have delivered through a lecture.


So next time you get the urge to get to it, make a decision, deliver a message or just get moving, ask yourself if pausing - waiting - even for just a bit, might be an important tool in this moment.

Playing in Tune

I was watching a Rob Bell Nooma video yesterday. It was entitled Rhythm, and was about being in rhythm - in tune - with God.  He said, "It's not a matter of whether we're playing or not. We are always playing.  It's a matter of whether we're playing in tune!"  


What a wonderful metaphor for leadership.  We're always leading. It's always visible, whether or not we want it to be.  Are we in tune with our values, our principles? Are we in tune with God's perfect plan for our lives and our leadership?   


Sometimes leadership is just so easy. Sometimes it's just fun!  Sometimes it's incredibly hard.  Does it mean we're in tune with God when it's easy?  I don't think so.  Sometimes it's hard because we are stepping into a place where God needs us to be - to make waves. To cause dissonance that's needed in order to move a person, team, or organization forward.  


That's what Jesus did, isn't it? He came and caused dissonance, so that we could learn who God truly is and who God truly wants us to be. He taught us new ideas, new theology, that could only have sounded, to the average person, like  a group of musicians completely off key from one another.  But as we listen and learn ever more deeply about God and His character, values, principles - we begin to tune ourselves, and our leadership, to Him.  As we listen and learn, our ear to His good and perfect will becomes trained and our pitch becomes ever more perfect.  Our actions change, and we begin to feel God's beat as a continual rhythm in our hearts - guiding our lives and our leadership in the most beautiful music ever.  


Whenever I hear beautiful music from now on, I will think about being in tune with God.

Women Leading Women

The leadership consulting group Zenger Folkman has been one that I've always respected.  They do deep and thorough research into how to be not just a good leader but an extraordinary one.  When I saw a recent blogpost they did for Harvard Business Review, on gender differences in leadership at the executive level, I was a bit nervous to read it.  I thought they might diverge from what I've always believed - that we need more women in the C-Suite.


Now, I've never claimed to be a feminist. I simply believe that by nature, women bring a different perspective - one that's needed. Given that, I naturally ask the question, why aren't there more?  And, does it really make a difference?


Here's a link to the original blog (they received so much feedback, they posted another related blog this past week:


     http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/03/a_study_in_leadership_women_do.html


As you would suspect, they found that the higher you go in an organization, the fewer women exist.  They also not surprisingly found that women excel at "classicly women" areas.  And then they had this to say:


"But the women's advantages were not at all confined to traditionally women's strengths. In fact at every level, more women were rated by their peers, their bosses, their direct reports, and their other associates as better overall leaders than their male counterparts — and the higher the level, the wider that gap grows."


When they dug into why, one of the things they discovered is that women who want to serve in the more male-dominated areas work really hard to succeed - and so they do.   


So why AREN'T there more women in the C-Suite?  Certainly some women just aren't going to make the sacrifice that is expected of them - they prioritize their families (or whatever else tugs their heartstrings) over work.  But that can't explain it all.  What else is there?  Here are some things I've found over the years of paying attention to this topic:

• Men are far more likely to choose other, younger, men to mentor.  They'll see someone who reminds them of a younger version of self, and they will go to bat for them.  This is less common with women, and it is uncommon for men to mentor women.
• Women tend to need an invitation.  Our natural response to increases in responsibility is, "Me?" or "Why me?" or "Not me!" rather than "Why not me?"

Take those two facts alone and you can see that women aren't doing themselves or each other any favors.  Now add this:

• Women live in a culture of collaboration and an even distribution of power.  Lifting up one of our own above and beyond the rest is just not in the ruleset of our culture.  And there's a whole lot of unwritten and unsaid "stuff" that goes along with this, that results in the fact that women often don't know how to support each other. Period.  

It seems as though step 1 to getting more women in the C-Suite is for women to begin supporting each other in any and every way possible. And to celebrate when one of our own is promoted, honored, and admired.  ... no woman left behind...

Guilt or Grace

Over the years, as I've sat with, studied, and reflected on the meaning of GRACE, I've come to the conclusion that guilt is a much easier foundation - and it's hard to be grace-filled and guilt-filled at the same time!  If guilt is my foundation, I don't have to give favor to those I selfishly deem undeserving.  I can blame.  I don't have to forgive.  I can also hold back - my guilt tells me that I'm not good enough, not worthy, that everything I do has a consequence that makes it just not worth it to step up or out. Guilt allows me to wallow rather than risk. Guilt is all about me.


Grace asks a LOT of me!  Grace asks me not to judge others, but rather understand that everyone is doing the best they can. Grace asks me to forgive and love, only and above all. Grace asks me to not only give others a break, but to give myself a break too!  Grace asks me to study Jesus' character and to ever-strive to close the gap between mine and His. Grace is all about others.


Martin Luther says we are at the same time 100% saint and 100% sinner.  Likewise, I think we are 100% guilt and 100% grace.  Which means I should have grace toward myself during those times when guilt chooses to invade my core and be my foundation.  


Thank God for GRACE!

A Reason to Throw Stones?

I was delighted at the news that Ann Svenningsen was elected Bishop of the Minneapolis Area Synod. She's a very smart woman who comes to the position with a vast range of experience. She deserves it. 


And then I read the comments on startribune.com.  Wow!  That an election can be the reason to start throwing stones and calling names!  Catholics are bashing Lutherans.  MS Lutherans are bashing ELCA Lutherans.  Heterosexuals are bashing homosexuals. Everyone is throwing stones! PEOPLE!  Where is Christ in all of this?  The only thread of truth in all those comments is that we are ALL WRONG.


It's no wonder that non-Christians call us hypocrites!  We are supposed to be united. We are supposed to lock arms and love all people the way Christ loves us. We are supposed to serve and show grace to the world. We are supposed to realize that NO ONE has all the answers.  We are NOT supposed to judge.  


Quoting the words of a theologian and member of my congregation: if you're going to draw a line in the sand, you can be sure Jesus is on the other side of it.  


Jesus said, "Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone." (John 8:7) and he said, "Why worry about a speck in your friend's eye, when you have a log in your own?" (Matthew 7:3).


Stop dividing the church by trying to be right. None of us are right. Only God is right. Stop giving Christianity a bad name. Stop breaking God's heart.