Women Leading Women

The leadership consulting group Zenger Folkman has been one that I've always respected.  They do deep and thorough research into how to be not just a good leader but an extraordinary one.  When I saw a recent blogpost they did for Harvard Business Review, on gender differences in leadership at the executive level, I was a bit nervous to read it.  I thought they might diverge from what I've always believed - that we need more women in the C-Suite.


Now, I've never claimed to be a feminist. I simply believe that by nature, women bring a different perspective - one that's needed. Given that, I naturally ask the question, why aren't there more?  And, does it really make a difference?


Here's a link to the original blog (they received so much feedback, they posted another related blog this past week:


     http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/03/a_study_in_leadership_women_do.html


As you would suspect, they found that the higher you go in an organization, the fewer women exist.  They also not surprisingly found that women excel at "classicly women" areas.  And then they had this to say:


"But the women's advantages were not at all confined to traditionally women's strengths. In fact at every level, more women were rated by their peers, their bosses, their direct reports, and their other associates as better overall leaders than their male counterparts — and the higher the level, the wider that gap grows."


When they dug into why, one of the things they discovered is that women who want to serve in the more male-dominated areas work really hard to succeed - and so they do.   


So why AREN'T there more women in the C-Suite?  Certainly some women just aren't going to make the sacrifice that is expected of them - they prioritize their families (or whatever else tugs their heartstrings) over work.  But that can't explain it all.  What else is there?  Here are some things I've found over the years of paying attention to this topic:

• Men are far more likely to choose other, younger, men to mentor.  They'll see someone who reminds them of a younger version of self, and they will go to bat for them.  This is less common with women, and it is uncommon for men to mentor women.
• Women tend to need an invitation.  Our natural response to increases in responsibility is, "Me?" or "Why me?" or "Not me!" rather than "Why not me?"

Take those two facts alone and you can see that women aren't doing themselves or each other any favors.  Now add this:

• Women live in a culture of collaboration and an even distribution of power.  Lifting up one of our own above and beyond the rest is just not in the ruleset of our culture.  And there's a whole lot of unwritten and unsaid "stuff" that goes along with this, that results in the fact that women often don't know how to support each other. Period.  

It seems as though step 1 to getting more women in the C-Suite is for women to begin supporting each other in any and every way possible. And to celebrate when one of our own is promoted, honored, and admired.  ... no woman left behind...

Guilt or Grace

Over the years, as I've sat with, studied, and reflected on the meaning of GRACE, I've come to the conclusion that guilt is a much easier foundation - and it's hard to be grace-filled and guilt-filled at the same time!  If guilt is my foundation, I don't have to give favor to those I selfishly deem undeserving.  I can blame.  I don't have to forgive.  I can also hold back - my guilt tells me that I'm not good enough, not worthy, that everything I do has a consequence that makes it just not worth it to step up or out. Guilt allows me to wallow rather than risk. Guilt is all about me.


Grace asks a LOT of me!  Grace asks me not to judge others, but rather understand that everyone is doing the best they can. Grace asks me to forgive and love, only and above all. Grace asks me to not only give others a break, but to give myself a break too!  Grace asks me to study Jesus' character and to ever-strive to close the gap between mine and His. Grace is all about others.


Martin Luther says we are at the same time 100% saint and 100% sinner.  Likewise, I think we are 100% guilt and 100% grace.  Which means I should have grace toward myself during those times when guilt chooses to invade my core and be my foundation.  


Thank God for GRACE!

A Reason to Throw Stones?

I was delighted at the news that Ann Svenningsen was elected Bishop of the Minneapolis Area Synod. She's a very smart woman who comes to the position with a vast range of experience. She deserves it. 


And then I read the comments on startribune.com.  Wow!  That an election can be the reason to start throwing stones and calling names!  Catholics are bashing Lutherans.  MS Lutherans are bashing ELCA Lutherans.  Heterosexuals are bashing homosexuals. Everyone is throwing stones! PEOPLE!  Where is Christ in all of this?  The only thread of truth in all those comments is that we are ALL WRONG.


It's no wonder that non-Christians call us hypocrites!  We are supposed to be united. We are supposed to lock arms and love all people the way Christ loves us. We are supposed to serve and show grace to the world. We are supposed to realize that NO ONE has all the answers.  We are NOT supposed to judge.  


Quoting the words of a theologian and member of my congregation: if you're going to draw a line in the sand, you can be sure Jesus is on the other side of it.  


Jesus said, "Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone." (John 8:7) and he said, "Why worry about a speck in your friend's eye, when you have a log in your own?" (Matthew 7:3).


Stop dividing the church by trying to be right. None of us are right. Only God is right. Stop giving Christianity a bad name. Stop breaking God's heart.

Mean Girls

I had a conversation today with a group of women who were talking about bullying in middle and high school. It wasn't long before the conversation turned to women behaving similarly. Not quite bullying perhaps - words like conniving, competing, back stabbing come to mind.  It's surprising the number of women who don't quite grow beyond the middle school mean girl stage.

I've watched women leaders compete with each other, withhold power rather than empower, lie to lift themselves up over their female colleagues, practically trample over other women to be the one who comes out on top. I've had women work for me who just can't handle having another woman in a place of authority above them.

If you've been the victim of this erratic, inappropriate, and downright childish behavior, take heart - it isn't you! And if you see a glimpse of yourself in the mean woman mirror, ask yourself - what's really going on here? Where am I so weak that I have to do this to lift myself up? 

A couple weeks ago, I was speaking with a colleague on a related topic. She told me that her daughter just had the privilege of hearing Madeline Albright speak. Ms. Albright said, "there's a special place in hell for women who don't support each other."  

Can I get an AMEN?

Inner Poverty

Have you seen all the writing about "bad bosses," "idiot bosses," "psycho bosses" lately? (As an example, just google "idiot boss.")  Is this a new epidemic?  Or, are we just sick of inept leaders finally and we're not going to take it any more?  


I notice a common theme when people characterize these sub-marginal employers - they seem to be filled with a self-centered ego, lack humility, are susceptible to temper tantrums, and wield their power stick inappropriately.  I think we have a problem of inner poverty.


My definition of inner poverty is a lack of a belief in ones-self that causes one to use authority rather than influence, flashy style rather than inner substance, rely on charisma (the manipulative kind) rather than character and confidence, and seek the short-term materialistic trappings of success rather than the long-term satisfaction of inner fulfillment.


Because they lack confidence, idiot bosses misuse power and authority to get work done.  Without the understanding of guiding principles, values, or a foundational belief in God (or other), they lack a moral compass and choose a machiavellian style of leadership, where the ends justify the means. They are concerned with their rise to power rather than developing their people into better leaders than themselves.  Is inner poverty one of the causes of the financial crisis that took the US economic system down?  Perhaps.


I really feel sorry for these leaders.  I think it feels lonely to them, if they take the time to admit it. But they don't admit it because they can't see it, typically, until a rock-bottom moment happens. I wish that weren't true, but in my experience only a crisis of some sort will cause the blinders to fall away from their eyes.


Until then, write on!