Unintended messages

When I was growing up, I noticed that my parents consistently were praising my siblings, and not me.  What I didn't notice is that they were only praising them when they weren't in the room.  When I was 18 or so, a family friend said to me, "You don't know this, but every time you're not in the room, your Dad is bragging about you."  News to me! As I reflect on that, I figure my dad didn't want any of us to "get a big head" so he was careful to only praise when we weren't within earshot.

A colleague was describing to me his fight with his son who hadn't done as well this period in school as he could have.  In the end, as he asks his son for explanation, his son said, "Dad I don't know what you're so upset about. You told me I needed to have a cumulative GPA of 3.2 and that's what I did."

Messages, verbal or non-verbal (!), lose something in the translation. From my mouth to the others' ear, what message did they hear, vs. what I had intended?  If the message is important, it stands to reason that it's also important to carefully craft it, and then perhaps check that it was received as intended.

Discovering Gifts

I receive daily devotions from Luther Seminary.  Today's was from 1 Corinthians 12, on spiritual gifts.  The NLT translation reads, starting with verse 7: A spiritual gift is given to each of us so that we can help each other. To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice; to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge. The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing...

After sharing many more spiritual gifts, the chapter goes on to talk about how we all, together, make up one body, and God has put each part just where he wants it.  (verse 18)


As leaders, is it not our duty, then, to use all the parts just as God wants them used?  We are called to discover our gifts, and the gifts of our teammates, so we can put them to full use.  


Romans 12 (which, in my mind, is a recipe for strong leadership) implores us to be honest in our evaluation of ourselves (verse 3).  Being honest about our own gifts and challenges is the foundation of being able to understand the gifts of others.   I guess I haven't known a leader who could be keenly aware of the gifts of others but unaware of her own.  


So, if you want a highly productive team that works well together (and then, by the way, has fun doing it!), start by being completely honest with yourself about your gifts and challenges.  Then, start seeing your teammates through the lens of all the potential God gave them. 

See without Scales on Your Eyes

We all have scales on our eyes. The scales of the experiences we've accumulated over the years, the baggage we bring to any and every situation, the assumptions we make because of our own guarded, sometimes jaded, beliefs or opinions. 

We can't help it, and yet it's absolutely necessary to understand how our eyes are clouded, and then set those notions aside at times.  You've heard the phrase "check your assumptions at the door."  It's a very important piece of advice, but first you have to know what your assumptions, experience, baggage are telling you.  That requires keen self-awareness.  Once you have that, it's much easier to check them at the door, or at least see them when they are coloring your thoughts.

I've noticed that the clouds over our eyes come particularly into play when we're dealing with other people. We make assumptions, and I bet those assumptions are wrong just as often as they are right.  In the book, The Art of Possibility, Zander and Zander talk about "giving people an A." That is, assume first that everyone has the best of intentions, will perform perfectly, will live up to your expectations.  Assume THIS, until PROVEN otherwise.  This is a great way to check assumptions at the door, and likely be pleasantly surprised at least from time to time.  

Fear of Progress

When you've always done something one way, and you've been relatively successful at it, why change?  The answer to that is often "what's the opportunity cost?" or missed opportunity.  I can talk myself into feeling successful by harvesting whatever fruit is produced in an untended garden, but think how much more yield I'd enjoy if I put some time and effort into planning and cultivating, and maybe even trying something different! 

Fear is at the core of being stuck, especially so, I think when we're stuck in a relatively successful place.  But what's the missed opportunity? How much more could we gain if we tried a new way, planned a new course, set our goals higher, dared to be different?

Is fear keeping you stuck in a relatively successful place?  Think about it. 

The 90/10 Rule and our life experiences

Our life experiences serve to color every interaction we have.  For example, if we've been discriminated against, we bring that baggage - the assumption of discrimination - to our interactions.  We assume that the person with whom we're in conversation made that remark because they are against us, for reasons that are in OUR past, not theirs.  But it isn't necessarily true.

That's where the 90/10 rule comes in. Life is 90% attitude and 10% circumstance.  That's really good news. I get to choose the attitude I bring to my day and to every interaction.  I get to choose to believe that the person with whom I'm interacting isn't of a discriminating mind. I get to choose to view every interaction in the best possible light.  It isn't easy to do, but it's possible.  

Women are still experiencing the "glass ceiling" - or so we assume.  But is it because we've put it there through the baggage to which we cling, or is it because someone else really put it there?  If we assume the latter, then we won't bust through it - we've defeated ourselves before we've even started.  If we assume the former, we might just sail right on through, even if it is really there!