Mean Girls

I had a conversation today with a group of women who were talking about bullying in middle and high school. It wasn't long before the conversation turned to women behaving similarly. Not quite bullying perhaps - words like conniving, competing, back stabbing come to mind.  It's surprising the number of women who don't quite grow beyond the middle school mean girl stage.

I've watched women leaders compete with each other, withhold power rather than empower, lie to lift themselves up over their female colleagues, practically trample over other women to be the one who comes out on top. I've had women work for me who just can't handle having another woman in a place of authority above them.

If you've been the victim of this erratic, inappropriate, and downright childish behavior, take heart - it isn't you! And if you see a glimpse of yourself in the mean woman mirror, ask yourself - what's really going on here? Where am I so weak that I have to do this to lift myself up? 

A couple weeks ago, I was speaking with a colleague on a related topic. She told me that her daughter just had the privilege of hearing Madeline Albright speak. Ms. Albright said, "there's a special place in hell for women who don't support each other."  

Can I get an AMEN?

Inner Poverty

Have you seen all the writing about "bad bosses," "idiot bosses," "psycho bosses" lately? (As an example, just google "idiot boss.")  Is this a new epidemic?  Or, are we just sick of inept leaders finally and we're not going to take it any more?  


I notice a common theme when people characterize these sub-marginal employers - they seem to be filled with a self-centered ego, lack humility, are susceptible to temper tantrums, and wield their power stick inappropriately.  I think we have a problem of inner poverty.


My definition of inner poverty is a lack of a belief in ones-self that causes one to use authority rather than influence, flashy style rather than inner substance, rely on charisma (the manipulative kind) rather than character and confidence, and seek the short-term materialistic trappings of success rather than the long-term satisfaction of inner fulfillment.


Because they lack confidence, idiot bosses misuse power and authority to get work done.  Without the understanding of guiding principles, values, or a foundational belief in God (or other), they lack a moral compass and choose a machiavellian style of leadership, where the ends justify the means. They are concerned with their rise to power rather than developing their people into better leaders than themselves.  Is inner poverty one of the causes of the financial crisis that took the US economic system down?  Perhaps.


I really feel sorry for these leaders.  I think it feels lonely to them, if they take the time to admit it. But they don't admit it because they can't see it, typically, until a rock-bottom moment happens. I wish that weren't true, but in my experience only a crisis of some sort will cause the blinders to fall away from their eyes.


Until then, write on!

Martin Luther King Jr., On Change

This blog is a repost from Seth Godin. I couldn't have said it better myself. Happy MLK Day!

"Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

And a few more thoughts, from one of the greatest men of my lifetime:

“On some positions, Cowardice asks the question, "Is it safe?" Expediency asks the question, "Is it politic?" And Vanity comes along and asks the question, "Is it popular?" But Conscience asks the question "Is it right?" And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must do it because Conscience tells him it is right.”

. . .

“We must rapidly begin the shift from a "thing-oriented" society to a "person-oriented" society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.”

. . .

“The saving of our world from pending doom will come, not through the complacent adjustment of the conforming majority, but through the creative maladjustment of a nonconforming minority.”

Leading Through Uncertainty

I had a boss once, Mark Furtney, who would say,"Mary Kay, proceed with confidence even when you have none." 


These are uncertain times and it's difficult to lead in uncertain times - confidence wanes. And the truth is, people will follow the one who seems to have the answers, or perhaps the one who seems to have confidence in some outcome. I wouldn't say that exceptional leaders pretend to have confidence; I think people see through that pretty quickly. But exceptional leaders examine the environment or situation, find the nuggets they can hold on to and know to be true, get in touch with their values and beliefs, and lead from that place. And exceptional leaders aren't afraid to make mistakes, knowing that they've stayed true to their core beliefs. If she makes a mistake, she learns from it, redirects, and moves on. 


With this brand new year ahead, in still uncertain economic, political, and religious times, get in touch with the truths you can hold on to, set your course within that framework, and proceed with confidence, so others will follow.




UPDATE: Interestingly enough, after writing and posting this entry, I read my daily update from Harvard Business Review and found this post:  Confidence is a Numbers Game

Poem: For the Interim Time

Not everyone identifies with poetry, but if you do, it can capture emotion so much better than simple text or lists.  Here is a poem, shared with me by a pastor in my SHAPE leadership development program, that I think speaks to transition so wonderfully. I often turn to this poem to hear what it has to say to me in the given moment.  I wonder what it's saying to you today (read it 3 times if it's not speaking to you)...


For the Interim Time
(from To Bless the Space Between Us by John O'Donohue)


When near the end of the day, life has drained
Out of light, and it is too soon
For the mind of night to have darkened things,


No place looks like itself, loss of outline
Makes everything look strangely in-between,
Unsure of what has been or what might come.


In this wan light, even trees seem groundless.
In a while it will be night, but nothing 
Here seems to believe the relief of dark.


You are in this time of the interim
Where everything seems withheld.


The path you took to get here has washed out;
The way forward is still concealed from you.


The old is not old enough to have died away;
The new is still too young to be born.


You cannot lay claim to anything;
In this place of dusk,
Your eyes are blurred;
And there is no mirror.


Everyone has lost sight of your heart
And you can see nowhere to put your trust;
You know you ahve to make your own way through.


As far as you can, hold your confidence.
Do not allow your confusion to squander
This call which is loosening
Your roots in false ground,
That you might come free
From all you have outgrown.


What is being transfigured here is your mind,
And it is difficult and slow to become new.
The more faithfully you can endure here,
THe more refined your heart will becoime
For your arrival in the new dawn.